First of all, for anyone who has committed adultery, you have understand some basic issues. First is that what you have done is a sin in God's eyes no matter how you may try to justify or spin it. There is NO circumstance that makes adultery acceptable. Second, anyone who has been involved in this type of behavior knows deep down inside the incredible price you end up paying, for what boils down to a few moments of pleasure.
Like all sin, you pay a very high price for what you end up receiving. Having dealt with this issue in literally thousands of cases over the years, I can assure you that there is NEVER a positive ending. These relationships, due to the foundation on which they are built, never last long, and if they do, are never filled with the joy and peace life has to offer. Remember, God can not, and will not bless sin. So you go off into this new relationship on a foundation of sin and deceit, without the blessings of God. How can you ever expect it to work?
So what is the answer? Simple. Repent, get right with God, then begin the long, long process of getting back into a correct relationship with your spouse. This will take lots of time, lots of effort, and things will never be 100% the way they were before. However, God can heal and help you and your spouse find His peace and love again to live many happy years together. It is not hopeless. But you have to be willing to repent, get right with God, and then take the steps necessary to get right with your spouse. God is able to do all things, and you will need his help and strength each step of the way, but He will honor your commitment. Don't give up, that is what the enemy wants you to do!!!
For the spouse that has been cheated on, it becomes a time for you to find a level of faith and trust in God you never experienced before. Because of the deep hurt and wounds, God is your only source of strength during this time. While the Bible in the New Testament does give a scriptural "out" in a marriage when adultery is involved, the reading of the complete Word still proclaims it is God's plan for one man, one woman, one lifetime. That must be your goal. You will need to spend much time in prayer for your spouse. They need your prayers to overcome the wrongs they have done. You will need to spend much time in prayer with the Lord to keep in focus that you are loved.
Many spouses who have been cheated on feel that they are to blame. Listen. You can NOT control the actions of your spouse. You can NOT be responsible for what they do. Quit blaming yourself for their actions! Know that in Christ you are loved and worthy. Lastly, you will need LOTS of prayer to have a forgiving heart. This of course is the most difficult hurdle to overcome. It is not possible in our strength. Only God can give you a forgiving heart to go on. Ultimately, the key will be in your focus on the Lord. Your faith, your trust in the Lord will be tested and stretched. It is in times like this when your faith becomes very real.
There is absolutely no way in just a few paragraphs I can deal with an issue like this that can fill a library full of books. It will all boil down to each spouses commitment to the Lord to overcome this part of your life. The cheating individual will need the Lord to overcome the sin committed and get back into a right relationship with the spouse, and the spouse will need the Lord to overcome the intense emotions and feelings to allow the spouse back into a place of trust in the relationship. There is no way things can ever be the same again, however the Lord is still in the healing business, and He can help work things out so there is still a loving, fruitful relationship for many years to come. The key is trusting God and not giving up.
Both those who have committed adultery and those spouses who have been cheated on, God realizes the heartache and pain you are going through. The main point is that God is still on the throne, He is still in control, and despite our rebellion.....He will have the final word. Jesus said, "be of good cheer, for I have overcome the world." that includes the sin in this world like adultery and with Him as your Lord, you can overcome this sin.
In His love and service,
Your friend and brother in Christ,